Hollywood Slam - February 1, 2011

The second worst* show in the history of television has come to a close, and we have a winner(?).  Her name is Allyson Donovan, and 600,000 absolute wastes of oxygen watched her get her lips, tits, and pretty much everything else sculpted, injected, and vacuumed in order to achieve the "perfect" wedding day.  In case you missed the premise of the show, a bunch of brides-to-be competed in challenges to win minor plastic surgery procedures and the grand prize of an extravagant wedding and full-body makeover courtesy of America's finest nippers and tuckers.   

Here's a helpful tip for the contestants:  no amount of plastic surgery will fix your relationships, and no amount of Botox can cure stupid.  Also, dudes:  I like to give you dating tips from the female perspective as often as I can.  Gotta help a brother out, you know?  So here's an important one.  If the girl you're interested in has Bridalplasty on her DVR, RUN.  RUN AWAY. 

I'm getting a uvula reduction right after I get the bottoms of my feet lifted!

 

Arcade Fire is getting some hate from a director they've worked with in the past.  Vincent Moon shot a video called Miroir Noir, a sort of long-form documentary about the band, in 2008.  Based on a recent interview, it sounds like they left a sour taste in his mouth.  Vince sez:

They’re not good people, that’s it. And I don’t mean the whole band—I mean the leaders of the band and their management. What I hate about the band now is that people call them an indie band and they’re not an indie band, they are a mainstream band. Maybe they’re on an indie label but that doesn’t mean anything. Those guys are just making things on a very big level, a very mainstream way of thinking. The way they deal with their business is really disgusting for me. The way they deal with things is awful. Their management are awful, awful people, and I know what I’m talking about. I have some really terrible stories with them.  

What, you mean people in the music industry sometimes don't like each other?

Shocking.

While we're on the topic of rivalries, Johnny Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) of the Sex Pistols has taken aim at Jay-Z over his "parody" of a career.  Yep, Johnny Rotten thinks that everything Jay-Z has put out is utter bollocks.  It doesn't matter whether or not you like hip hop - unless you're a total shoegazing hipster doofus (as Cub likes to say), you can at least recognize that he is among the greats in that genre.  The Sex Pistols are obviously also up there when it comes to punk music, but I think ol' J.R. needs to be taken down a peg - so here are some sample Sex Pistol lyrics:

Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
There was fuck all else to do 

And also:

I'm a lazy sod
I'm a lazy sod
I'm a lazy sod

Lazy

I'm a lazy sod
I'm not a lazy snood
I'm a lazy sod

Lazy!

...yyyyep.  

This, truly, is the face of a genius.

 

 

 

*The title of Worst Show Ever is reserved for Toddlers & Tiaras.   At least the "contestants" on Bridalplasty know exactly what they're getting into, as do the absolute mouthbreathers who choose to stay with them.  These poor 3-year-olds are being shoved into cone bras and made to prance around to terrible music and their parents probably lied and told them they were going to Disney World.  Assholes.