Hey guys! Just got my blog back from Charlie Sheen. Seriously, he had it locked up in a hotel room in Vegas and when he finally handed it over it had a black eye and was covered in cocaine.
In case you've missed any of the Charlie Sheen Nightmare PR Tour 2011, here's how it's happened: he did an interview with TMZ where he went completely off the rails, his rep quit, he called his rep a "pussy" and then fired him (even though he'd already quit) and then proceeded to spew pure 100% uncut crazy like a mighty insane fountain all over several media outlets which were, quite frankly, friggin' tired of talking about the Middle East.
Snort an entire briefcase of cocaine, Gaddafi, and then maybe we'll give a shit.
It all culminated last night when Chuck appeared on a special episode of Piers Morgan (in case you're not familiar, he's the guy who replaced Larry King after being kicked out of the UK because no one can stand his BS) to defend his lifestyle. If anyone here can name a better quote than "I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars", then I will give you the password for this blog right now and never write in it again.
Hahahaha old ass clipart is stupid.
There are a lot of people on either side of the "exploitation" fence, and I'm not gonna get too far into whether or not it's morally okay to have Crazy Eyes Sheen on your show when he's obviously going through some kind of mental freakout. I think to some extent if you get into a career in showbiz, you accept that everything you do it going to be in the public eye, for better or for worse. Some people have presented evidence that he's suffering from a mental disorder (specifically bipolar disorder) and if that's true, it sucks, and he needs help. But all that PC wishy-washy crap aside, here are some real gems from his Piers Morgan interview, in quote form (non-bolded bits are Piers):
"It's been a tsunami of media... and I'm ridin' it on a mercury surfboard."
"Which bender are we talking about?" "The one with 5 women coming out of your house..." "Yeaahhh, I didn't know there was going to be a math test."
"Until you stopped, you were taking a lot of cocaine." "Well I didn't take it, I had to pay for it."
"I hadn't done it (cocaine) for a while... like seven hours..."
"No. No. Women are not to be hit. They're to be hugged and caressed."
"She was attacking me, though. Um. With a, like a small fork. Like a cocktail fork. She had it with her, that was the weird thing."
"I have a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a 7 year old."
"You can't talk about this stuff on television." "They why did you?" "I don't know, I was on crack."
MMMAAAHHHH!!
...Yep, Charlie Sheen is pretty much the coolest person ever. That one interview was more entertaining than every episode of his terrible show combined. Honestly, assuming the dude isn't bipolar or schizophrenic or otherwise in need of serious help, I say let him live his life. If he wants to go out in a blazing streak of cocaine, money, hookers, and hookers covered in cocaine and money, then goddamnit, that's his right.
In a similar vein, I'm betting that every woman Charlie ever wronged is writhing gleefully in a mountain of rainbows covered in synthetic kitten fur right now, basking in the knowledge that the world will never disbelieve that he's crazier than a shithouse rat ever, ever again.
In case you didn't get to see this spectacular spectacle on live television, here's some of what you missed:
